Trolling

I was going to write this beautiful line from Duras’ Lol Stein here this morning, a scene where she and a lover are at the beach alone, watching the water and she says The beach is so empty, almost as if God had yet to finish it.
I was going to put that line up in lights and then when I got to work I realized I forgot, not only the book, but my coffee as well, so all you get is a paraphrase which doesn’t do it justice at all and neither does smelling every one else’s coffee and picturing mine, full to the brim, warm and carmel and slowly slowly dying a cold death in my to-go cup.
I had an awful dream this morning. One of those dreams that brings a past event full-throtle in your mind again. Just when you’re over it or starting to be over it your mind, body, heart are dunked back into the torture. Our minds are awful to us. Just awful. And my plan to write it out this morning was trumped by the maintenance cracking on every one’s doors telling us we had to move our cars OR BE TOWED because they are paving the parking lot.
This morning also forced me to talk to Verizon about a final bill I’ve been trying to pay since August except they just sent me a refund for the amount I owed (that I paid last month) and promptly sent another bill for the amount I owed that I paid that they repaid me. Jesus Christo.
I think it’s time to troll around the office in search of coffee. RAAAAAAAAARGH