ABCs of blushing

Today, I’ve spent some time googling “How to train myself to stop blushing for no reason or when people compliment your $1 earrings or your shirt or look at you for god’s she or yell at you from across the room or breath in your direction” because it’s gotten THAT bad and annoying for me especially because I’m still trying to settle in with all these people I don’t know that well. I used to just equate it with shyness, but when I was younger I never thought my shyness was that bad and so it probably never bothered me as much when I responded to something strangely. Now, I have conflicting parts in myself – the shyness that I’ve always had and the want to be my normal self with people I’m trying to get to know. The result is me saying something funny and then having people look at me and then immediately turning red and trying to cover up any exposed skin as quickly as I can which is impossible because it’s my face! so then I’m looking away and down which makes me look completely awkward and ridiculous anyway. It’s even gotten to the point where I think “How in the world can I even get married and stand in front of all those people and NOT turn red!” Courthouse wedding it is!
I realize this is one of the many social phobias that people have and it could be worse – god I could have turrets AND a blushing problem or I could have terrible acne or a pointy head or cauliflower ears. But I want I want I want it to stop. I want my brain to relax, to not worry, to not obsess about when and how and with whom I’m going to tomato myself with next and so far my options are to:
A) get surgery (what?!) How does that work?
B) A Hypnosis CD for $12.99
C) Yoga
D) Stop caring that I turn red
E) Get sunburnt every day, so no one can tell
F) Become a vampire
H) RELAX, EVERY ONE DOES EMBARRASSING THINGS! CrashBoomFart
I) Move to Siberia when none of my skin will every be exposed in public except my face which will be chapped and snow burnt anyway
J) Meet another red-faced person and start a club
K) Wear green-tinted concealer which according to beauty experts offsets redness
G) oops.
L) Become a hermit in the woods – bears never embarrass me
M) Come back in a second life as a cardinal where being red is perfectly acceptable
N) I’m running out of ideas…