Friday Storm

We’re getting a crazy storm today – black skies, overblown deck furniture, sideways rain. We may even get hail the size of PENNIES. It’s “the end of times” kind of storm according to co-workers. “It looks like nighttime outside! It’s freaking me out!” the natives say. It’s called weather, I yell. To which I get a response “I don’t know what that MEANS!”
I love the storms here. At least the soft rain when I can watch it from the safety of my couch or office building. There are times where the desert doesn’t smell like anything at all, but when it rains … everything opens up to receive it and it smells like crushed sage.
I’m terribly lonely today. There’s a void in my stomach. I’ve created this storm outside, I just know it. Stabbing grapes with a fork helps. So does listening to everyone here fawn over the sweet potato tater tots in the cafe.
Sometimes it’s another step altogether to get the things you need. Sometimes all it takes is opening your mouth and reaching out to another human being. But sometimes even that feels weighted by all the things you are and aren’t and the act of being itself becomes so hard.