RachelVB.com

Category: Sigh

  • not the person you think

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    rachelvb
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    Every time things get hard I think you’ll realize your life is easier, better without me.

  • gimme a toothpick

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    rachelvb
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    There are things stuck. Pieces, small pieces I can’t get to. In my eye – a soft, small, invisible hair. In my teeth – a sliver of onion from the pizza I just ate. It’s always that small space between my teeth where things get stuck – the skin of apples mostly. I want quick…

  • To the couch

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    rachelvb
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    I have an appointment today I’m a little nervous about. The kind where you sit with someone and they stare at you and you have to talk about your feelings. I’m worried she’ll turn me away and say there’s nothing wrong with you, I can’t help you, find someone else. I’m worried about getting to…

  • The Cabin

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    rachelvb
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    Tomorrow – I’d like to go into a cabin, in the snow, in isolation, with coffee, with bread, with water, with soul, a fire in the place, the smell of smoke, feeling the drift above me. I’d like to be alone. Am I doing too much for my own good? Pushing myself to an edge?…

  • Tiny teacup

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    rachelvb
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    When I think of the publishing world, I think of myself sailing across the ocean in a tiny teacup with an umbrella broken at the joints as a sail. And I get nervous and unsure and my armpits start to sweat. There’s so many of us, there’s so many of us, there’s so many of…

  • So many states to live in

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    rachelvb
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    I watched ‘The Duchess’ last night with Keira Knightley. I’ve never really had any intention to watch this movie, but I thought it would be full of good sex scenes and the green English countryside and pretty dresses and sheep. And it was certainly full of that, but also full of so much sadness. I’m not…

  • hit and run to hell

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    rachelvb
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    I heard a vroom and a vroom and someone driving much too fast for roads like this for weather like this and then I heard the crunch of him hitting a car on the street. His lights pointing sideways, T-ed into a silver mini-van, not a fast accident. What do I do, what do I…

  • urghkl;

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    rachelvb
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    I think this is a pretty typical day for the cat. She hasn’t seemed to have any problems staying in bed with me all day. I’ve talked to more of my family today than I normally do, so that’s nice. this is mostly out of boredom, so I apologize because it’s boring, but my fingers…

  • oh stomach flu, oh stomach flu…

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    rachelvb
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    …don’t talk to me about being verdant. Just when I think I’ll make it through the holiday without feeling too pathetic, too sorry for myself, too dependent on people – I wind up throwing up all over myself and the floor twice as I’m trying to make it to the bathroom. I wind up cleaning…

  • Edges

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    rachelvb
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    I met something this morning. I walked into something maybe I was ready to walk into. Or maybe I wasn’t, I’m not sure yet. All I can say is I feel a little shaky, a little out of breath, starving now like I’ve run a marathon for days and haven’t eaten. I feel my spines…