RachelVB.com

Category: Sigh

  • There is comfort in a shot glass

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    rachelvb
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    I’ve been dealing with a very impersonal end to what was a meaningful friendship and love. The impact of this loss has hit me head on – my brain and heart have been painfully raw. I look in the mirror and a red-eyed ghoul glares back at me. I can feel my hunger fading, the…

  • "The Secret About," Anonymous from theRumpus.net

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    rachelvb
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    “Like everyone in this world and out of it, I have a relentlessly complicated relationship with sex. Sex is my back-rubbing, silky-voiced soulmate who sometimes—more frequently than once a full moon—goes werewolf on my physical, psychological, and emotional makeup. Sex is my self-love and my self-hate. Sex is my pride and my shame.” “The Secret…

  • A wing trapped in dirt

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    rachelvb
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    I can’t stand that I’m here right now in front of my computer. I want to pout and hate myself and throw every awful thing I think about my work, life choices, creative abilities. My jacket smells mildewed, water-logged and dried. There are too many times I wash my clothes and leave them for days…

  • Switch

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    rachelvb
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    Yesterday morning against the bite, a woman waited on a concrete stoop, cigarette viced in one hand and a styrofoam cup in the other. Her body, covered in red-knit, weaved back and forth to her own music. or high. or crash. When we were in NYC on our way home from the wedding, I passed…

  • oh, silly ego

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    rachelvb
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    “Maybe it was Marilyn, but I felt more fragile than I usually do on this movie. I felt more dependent on other people’s kindnesses. I would live off a compliment that the camera man gave me for two weeks. It would feed me. It would get me out of bed.” – Michelle Williams on channeling…

  • 11-11-11

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    rachelvb
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    I’m feeling sunk today and like I’m bobbing in my little tea cup at sea. There’s no land and I’ve lost my oar, having to use my shoe instead and now my foot is cold. So it is. At least it’s Friday and my coffee is warm.

  • Turk

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    rachelvb
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    A good friend of mine lost her puppy yesterday. He was 3 years old and beautiful. All tongue and paws. Turk was abandoned at 5 weeks old on the side of a Portland road. I can’t imagine dumping a face like his anywhere, but the circumstance allowed him to be a part of my friend’s…

  • I have a habit of reading too far into things

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    rachelvb
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    Today I feel like giving up. Throwing everything I’ve ever written into a pile and burning it, become an accountant. Except no one would hire me because I can’t add 13+29 without using my fingers. A little girl was staring at me through a tinted back window. I had been crying in my car for…

  • Up the River destruction

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    rachelvb
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    This is what’s left of “Up the River” as everyone likes to call it. Our friend’s trailer is the one in the very back. But normally it sits parallel to the road. From the pictures it looks as if a slit telephone pole is keeping it in place or at least it was when the…

  • Cold potato by now

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    rachelvb
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    I’m making a baked-potato (the fast way – microed first and then popped in the over for about 10 minutes to give the appears of crispy skin). I’m not sure why I’m making it now, I’m not hungry. My dinner: guacamole (homemade of course) and a tropical Popsicle with fruit lint – at least that’s…