!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I found my bracelet. We went to get dessert and talked for a long long time about our lives and the bracelet and this place and dreams. Things that are hard to talk about and that we don’t want to talk about but that we must talk about. And it wasn’t so hard or as hard this time. I wasn’t sobbing which is something I sometimes do and can’t help it. I hope he doesn’t think I do it on purpose, but I just can’t help it sometimes.

And we got home and I felt better, I felt they way you do after you work out, you feel like your insides have been working for something, they feel clean, they feel light and I thought how nice it would be if I found my bracelet tonight. The bracelet that I love that he bought me in Mexico, the bracelet I play with at work rolling the beads between my fingers. I thought what a great close a symbolic close to this night, this random monday night that was gray and long and tiring. I glanced on the armoir again and nothing. Sigh. Decided to wash my face and brush my teeth and get my skin ready for bed for my warm bed and my blue flannel sheets. I checked again in the bathroom on the off chance that tonight was my night to find it. I checked my travel bag even though I had checked it a million times, dug my hands in a pocket I knew I had dug my hands into before and I felt it. Deep in that pocket, I felt it, in a place I had already looked in a place I would naturally have put it, in its right place. I took it out. Saw it glitter, saw it yawn like it had just been woken up from the longest most glorious nap and I wrapped my fingers around the woven beads and cried a little because I can’t help it and went downstairs to show Pat what I had just found in a place it should have been all along, in a place I had already looked.

We both got teary, I saw it, don’t think I didn’t see it. Crying over a bracelet he gave to me. A bracelet with history, that’s been places, born from the hands of a Mexican woman with old hands. A bracelet that means something more to us than maybe we realize. “I was hoping you’d find it,” he said. “Yeah, me too.” And I did.