Swift kick to the ribs

photo 3

photo 2

photo 1

We have about 10 weeks left. Give or take. I guess in some unconscious way, most of us chose our birthday. Well most of us that came naturally. I know I was a week or so late. I liked the month of July better, I guess.

That should be our last ultrasound, that pic up there. The sky is just a pretty sky and the other pic is me two days ago at 30 weeks, but I already feel bigger. The placenta is good, the baby is head down and wonderful, everything is good and I’m starting to panic, not only when the baby pushes up on my lungs so it’s hard to breathe, but thinking about the labor and how difficult that will be and then how difficult breastfeeding will be the first two weeks (so they say) and then getting on waiting lists for day care that cost more than my rent for a little person I haven’t even met yet. It’s a lot for a brain-dead brain to process.
August is such a busy month for us. Between birthing classes at the hospital and the few Bradley classes we’ll take up in Flagstaff on the weekends and the baby shower at the end of the month and jesus, after so many years of moving all over the damn place, the government finally called me to jury duty THIS MONTH and OB appointments and between all of that I’m supposed to be sleeping more and doing Bradley exercises and working out and WORKING and how do people actually do all these things once a kid comes?! Yikes. We’ll do it. We keep saying we had space in our lives and we do and we’re so damn excited to meet that amazing face up there. I can’t stop staring at that picture. The nose! God, the nose, what a good nose.
Oh geez, we have to get a pediatrician too and I need to get my eyes checked…

What I really want to do is take a nap, eat some doritos with artificial flavors AND colors and drink a beer you can’t see through. *swift kick to the ribs*

PS. my chapbook was rejected on my 30th birthday and for some reason I submitted some poems to a Literary Flash Mob on the Lightrail next month. They are poems about the light rail, written on the light rail, but the lit mag here has already rejected me twice, but says this time they’ll “try to include everyone” so naturally when I’m 8 months pregnant I’m going to have to stand up on a rocking train with a few other poets and read. Or they’ll do me a favor and reject me again because no one calls a poet a poet when they aren’t actively writing poetry i.e. me – who can’t even connect a snail trail to a snail at the moment.

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8 Responses to Swift kick to the ribs

  1. Julie says:

    I love you and that almost ready to be born human hiding (not so well now) inside of you, so very much. Can’t wait to see you very, very soon. You certainly have packed a lot into 1 month. Take two deep breaths and hold Tula in your lap (if you still can!).

    • rachelvb says:

      Thanks, Julie =) Yeah, we have a lot this month. It makes me sleepy thinking about it! I’m excited to see everyone in a few weeks! I can’t believe so many people are coming in August haha. I totally tricked all of you.
      I picked up Tula the other day and she’s a chunker! Dang. She likes to sleep on my legs still. She avoids the belly =)

  2. Ms. Moon says:

    You are creating life which is pretty fucking amazing.
    All will be well. I promise you. You will meet your darling baby soon. You have no idea. But soon you will. Your breasts will leak love. So will your heart.

    • rachelvb says:

      Mary, sometimes I think the more I read about how hard breastfeeding is for some women, the more it freaks me out that it will be hard for us. But my body has always been good to me and so far it’s been great to the baby and I’ll just ride that. I’m sure we’ll be fine. I’m pretty tough, so I’m sure the baby will be =) I look down at my belly with the baby bumping around in there and think “this is fucking crazy!” But crazy means blessed and what a miracle and holy shit all at the same time. Thank you. xoxo

  3. Angella says:

    You look so beautiful and serene in that photo! What an exciting time! As for all the rest of, I promise you, it all falls into place. We figure it out as we go. So don’t worry. You will be a wonderful mother!

    • rachelvb says:

      Thank you, Angella =) The belly is starting to get a little uncomfortable sleeping and the baby has boney knees, but all is well! We are slowly checking things off the list. Jury duty, though?! Ugh. I’m certainly not going to sell myself as the ideal juror: pees a lot, can’t sit for long, needs to eat constantly, gas, leaky boobs, limited brain function. I’m sure they’d love to have me on a jury! xoxo

  4. Labor is a bitch that’s true but you get such a terrific parting prize!!!!!

    Right now I’d labor for 16 hours for a new car as long as I didn’t have to push one out.

    Carry on Rachel carry on little Tuna Melt.
    love,
    Rebecca

    • rachelvb says:

      Rebecca, I wish while I was in labor, I’d get the baby, but you’d also get a new car. Why doesn’t the universe work that way?
      I’m just really tired of doing kegels, especially today, so I’m going to eat a cookie instead. We are almost there.
      Thank you, Ms. King. xoxo

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