Let's brag about love

We’re going to be reminded this weekend that we do in fact live in the desert. Sunday’s forecast is 100 degrees. Ugh. Already? It’s not even May! But I’ll take it if it means I never have to survive an East coast winter again. Last week, a friend said it was still frigid, windy, unbearable. I hold her it was 90 here, sunny, heaven. I’m not keeping many friends back there by bragging, but maybe we aren’t keeping that many friends back there anyway. We’re sort of in a lonely stage – the two of us staring at each other “how was your day?” “Good. How was your day?” sort of thing. I think what I miss most is having people who really know who I am. Who know all the history. It’s like people who hate their therapists, but keep going anyway because the thought of having to explain and relive all your issues again seems exhausting.
We are out of sight and out of mind. At least that’s how it’s felt for a while. Pat and I can both feel the shift – people stop texting, emailing, calling and so we stop texting, emailing, calling because we’d always be the ones initiating communication and trying without getting much back is a pathetic feeling. There are some relationships we thought would be around forever, but then they aren’t and we’re left mourning them like the dead. I had a therapist ask me once why I felt like I needed to fix everything, my relationships. And I answered: who else will? I think I’ve mentioned that here before, but I’m reminded of it now because I’ve always been the one who tries to fix it; distance, conflicts, but maybe it means I’m a clinger? Maybe I need to be better about letting go? So I’m not fighting this one. I’m not trying to fix it and as heartbreaking as it is for me, I’m going to let it go where it goes. We’re all caught up in our own shit, I know that. But take two seconds out of your day and tell someone that you love them. Two days ago, I heard a teenage boy bragging to a girl about his “homie” kicking the shit out of someone so hard that it ripped his ear off. Why do we brag so much about violence? About what we’ve “done” to people to prove we were stronger? I want to live in a world that brags about love instead. I promise, it doesn’t hurt any more than the slices of soul one gets when they repeatedly kick someone on the ground.

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On a happier note, Pat and I are going to love the sun this weekend. Poolside with some Mexican beer he recently found at our Mexican grocery store. It’s nothing special, but the beer he drank in Oaxaca when he lived there for a month and Phoenix is the only place he’s found it in the states. And I’m going to celebrate my Designer of the Month award. And I’m going to write. And I’m going to drink his Mexican beer and keep making memories for us.

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