Kindness is cool

hide and seek

rock thief

I miss this guy today. Although, I’m too tired to possibly run after him if we were home. That’s how it is though, right? You can’t wait to put them to bed and have some alone time, but the minute you put them to bed for some alone time, you miss the crap out of them. I never realized motherhood was so bipolar, such a pull of one emotion to it’s complete opposite.
He’s a great sleeper, sleeps through the night, but I’m always still tired. Why hasn’t that gone away?

We went to sushi with some friends last night. I drank too much Sapphoro.Jack is becoming such a little boy already. Throwing his body all over mine in the booth, learning how to wrestle (thanks to his Dad), flinging his head into my mouth, his hands to my eyes, his feet to my boobs – all the soft spots! Sometimes as he’s squirming his body all over mine, I feel like those tiger mothers on nature programs: their cubs, clawing, biting, swatting and the mother just batting them away trying to sleep off the hot afternoon.

How do you teach patience? The other morning I was on the toilet and Jack walks in with a book. I’m mid pee, trying to turn the pages of quite honestly the largest board book we own, the dimensions of an encyclopedia and I’m trapped on the pot with my ass hanging out, on my period with the door wide open. Shit or get off right? Not for a mom…
Do I sit there and read the book 8 times to keep him happy or do I willingly throw myself to the inevitable tantrum waiting for me the minute I stand up?
His tantrums are pretty short-lived so far, but he’s very impatient. I totally get it. Who wants to wait for what they want?! Gimme Gimme! And I’m like that as an adult, only I’m not allowed to throw myself on the floor when it doesn’t happen. Sucks. I didn’t win any of the coveted SND (Society of News Design aka Design oscars) awards this year and I’ve been sulking about it for a week because I felt like my portfolio was really strong this year and I know it’s the work that matter and how you feel about the work that matters, but fuck, man! I really wanted one this year. Just one. Just one! And maybe if I did throw a tantrum on the floor instead of quietly crying about it once the night I found out, I might be over it? I think there’s a lot Jack and I can learn from each other. Throw that emotion out there the minute you feel it! He tests my patience as I learn to teach him patience.

It’s Friday. I’d like to be on here more. I’m going to try and be on here more if nothing else to document his days, so slippery are these days. Much too fast. Much too fast. He’s 16 months old. His face has grown up so much. God, he’s cute. You know what I hate? Those stupid shirts and sayings you give to boys that says “heart breaker.” Who the hell wants that for their son? If my son breaks hearts, he’s an asshole. Sure the inevitable will occur, that’s life, people’s hearts get broken, but damn, I don’t want him to make it a habit. I’ve seen a shirt that says “kindness is cool” I hope that’s more him jam. That’s the world I want him to live in anyway. That and “ain’t no mama like the one I got.” That’s a good shirt.

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4 Responses to Kindness is cool

  1. Ms. Moon says:

    He is gorgeous and adorable and simply beautiful and so was this post. You are right- all the feelings- that’s what mamas’ feel. And frequently at the same time. It’s confusing and crazy and wonderful and fucking exhausting! Which is probably why we don’t throw tantrums- it would require too much energy.

    • rachelvb says:

      Oh my god, how true! I think that’s why more often than not, I just say “this is not worth it. Let it be. Too much energy” haha. Feeling all the feels is possibly why I’m so damn tired all the time! Who knows? It will remain a mystery. Thank you, Mary.

  2. Angella says:

    He’s growing up so beautifully, such a happy gorgeous energy, all sunshine and boy. I’m so happy to see you! Love.

    • rachelvb says:

      Thank you so much, Angella! It’s amazing to see how happy he can make people. So cool. Has to be one of the best things about being a parent. xoxo

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