I think I'm ready

God has it really been a week since I’ve posted? God almighty. I have so much to say and then nothing to say. My limbs are tired. It’s raining. This morning before the sun came up (the sun which we can’t even see today, cloaked in clouds), there was a downpour on our roof, the wind redirecting rain into our bedroom window. I lay there next to pat and Tula, sweating warm, placed my hands on my belly and felt like I’d just eaten a huge meal, my body tired, my body full. It’s hard having this blog sometimes. There are things in our lives we simply cannot talk about in such a public space, but there are things in my life I want to talk about, things that someday soon I will be able to talk about. Just not yet. And so why else do I come here? To talk about the weather, people I see, things I want and need? Or do we all write to tell secrets that we couldn’t tell anyone else face on – I suppose the separation of screens always helps.
I just got back from Pennsylvania Monday. I went for the long weekend. I went to stay with a friend who is going through a divorce. She has two young kids at home and one in college. This is one of the hard things I can’t really talk about, mostly because it’s not mine to share. Sure my experiences over the weekend are mine, but when other people are involved we have to be very careful in what we say. We have to protect what is theirs.
It was a good trip. I’m glad I went. I’m glad I’m home. Things change instantly and sometimes without even doing anything. Sometimes just progressing from one day to the next enacts change. Sometimes the sun coming up and going down – that simple act can make the world an entirely different place. Things for me are changing. And while I can’t say how exactly now, I think I’m ready.

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