Errr, Monday.

I’ve been having a lot of dreams lately about shutting out the loud things in my life … in one case it was a very loud person I literally shut the door on and I think in cases where your dreams are SO obvious and take little weeding or analyzing, you have to listen to them. I’ve been pulling away from social media and even the blog for the past few weeks (maybe even months) … I’m just too tired to deal with it and need quiet and space; to turn inward and all that junk. I wonder if I’ve been feeling this way because I haven’t had a river trip this year and probably won’t get one. I have a few personal days and sick days left and I’m hoping to use the crap out of those soon, but I’m reading “wild” right now by Cheryl Strand and I swear to god, if I could be walking the Pacific Crest Trail by myself right now, I would.
My heart needs the quiet. I need to build up the life I have in front of me and not the virtual one through tubes and phone lines. I think more and more people are living their lives online and I wonder if someday we’ll even speak to each other anymore … physically use our voices. They have grown rusty. Even mine in public is rusty, but I think it has always been that way – peeling open a tin can with a bottle cap.

No one goes on many adventures anymore … maybe that’s what I need? Some wild thing to help me find my footing, make me remember who I am or help me grow into the person I’m becoming? My mom right now is backpacking the Isle Royale in Michigan/Minnesota – a remote island/national park where the only access is by ferry and later next month is rafting the Grand Canyon AGAIN for two or three weeks (I can’t remember which) … can I retire yet? Or maybe I’ll become an outdoor writer/photographer and live a nomadic life. I could do that …

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