Clothes don't make the wo-man

Today I dressed all professional-like, but not old lady like, basically I put on a jacket. I was supposed to go to the dealership with Pat and he was going to sit there next to me while I try and act like I know what I’m talking about and try to act like I’m not a pussy and try to act like a grown up girl buying a car haggling with a more grown up man and the truth is the whole thing is giving me massive anxiety because I can’t even tell the hair lady what I want without getting  all hot. I can’t even ask my best friend for a freaking car ride because I’ve been mooching rides for a month and sometimes I even feel weird asking Pat to you know, right there but not as much as I feel weird bargaining over money and vehicles, things I know nothing about.
The other day my dad said he reads here or he did or maybe once or once every 8 months and at first it made me uncomfortable because sometimes I write about him and then a part of me decided that I don’t care anymore. I’ve kept quite inside for so long about me and I’m not going to stop now, not now. Tomorrow or next week or next year I might care, but today I don’t and yesterday I didn’t and the day before that and that.
Do you think the dealership accepts write in offers? Can I haggle-write? Write-haggle?

Of course, I dressed up and we can’t go tonight, we have to go tomorrow morning when I’m going to look like a bum in river clothes were we are going after. But whatever, a voice is a voice is a voice is blind to style.

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