Biting the skin around my nails

All I can do today is this. My brain is full of syntax. I’m supposed to be doing something else. Work. I’m anxious today – it’s mondaytuesday, feels like Monday and I’m here and my writs starts to hurt immediately, once I wrap it around the mouse – shock therapy.
I woke up at 7 this morning. My alarm was set for 8:15. That’s late for me. I thought about getting up to write, but I didn’t. I should have. I looked in the mirror this morning and thought, is this what I look like when I sleep in? Cream under the eyes instead of faint bruises.
I never fully fell back asleep, just lay in bed, thought about things I like thinking about, but are bad for me to think about because once I’m out of dreamland, the reality of me thinking about them makes me anxious, makes me go back somewhere I don’t exactly want to go. This won’t make sense to anyone, but it makes sense to me. The portable AC kept buzzing.
Saturday, Pat and I watched 5 movies. We didn’t clean the kitchen. It sat breeding fruit flies. He picked horror movies. The Red Dragon, Silence of the Lambs (which I haven’t seen in a long time, but horrified me this time, the scene with the hole and the water and the screaming) and then he picked Let Me In, a remake of a Swedish Vampire Movie and it actually wasn’t bad, a newish take on a vampire movie, at least these vampires don’t go out in the daylight and sparkle diamonds and wear Armani and GO OUT IN THE DAYLIGHT. Mormons shouldn’t write Vampire books – no offense. They just shouldn’t. But this one was about a little girl and an outcast little boy and they need each other, the become friends except she can’t have friends because she’s a vampire and the reality of that, her eating people, isolates her. It’s interesting how loneliness can bring together two people who on paper should never be.
And then Pat watched some B movie about Werewolves and it was terrible, we laughed like you’re supposed to laugh at B movies, the acting alone. Then a few crime shows and it was 11:35 p.m. and the day was gone. I was falling asleep on the couch next to him. Despite the blood, I’ve been having really amazing dreams.

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