I haven’t written here in a while. I haven’t felt like sharing much. Maybe because the baby takes so much of me already, but it’s far less dramatic than that sounds. I’d gladly give it. I’m just staying quiet inside and don’t feel emotionally strong enough to delve into the goings on in myself or the world. I was listening to an NPR story this morning about dementia. That actress from Father of the Bride had written an article for Rebook about her mother who was suffering with the disease. They were talking about how strange it was to mourn a person twice: once when the dementia actually takes over their personality and another time when it actually takes over their body in death. She said she had to come to terms with creating a bond with that new person because she was missing out on who she had become, even if it was someone else. If you’d have given me another 2 minutes of that interview, I would have been sobbing, but I parked, turned off my car and got to work. I think it’s mostly the hormones, but even so, I don’t want to feel sad right now. I don’t want to grate against my bones like I was a year ago and sometimes that’s what you need to do to write. At least, that’s what I need to do.
Almost two weeks ago, I turned 30. I spent the week at my Step-mom’s B&B in Napa, went to the coast – Bodega Bay and Goat Rock Beach, watched the Giants lose in San Fran and had a few sips of wine mixed in with a lot of pool time. Not too shabby =) I also spend the week with my dad and two great friends, Pat and my cousin who is like a sister. I met her baby boy who is 2 months old and I watched Pat put him (crying) to sleep twice. Twice! He’s so excited and so am I, mixed with a little terror, anxiety, holy shit we have 3 months until we’re parents.
And here we are now. Today, baby and I are at 27 weeks, the last week of our second trimester. Lots of hiccups, likes to use its heels (ouch) and wiggles constantly. All is well in the womb.
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