I had Monday off, one of those rare newspaper holidays. I’m surprised we still get holidays. Wasn’t the LA Times going to reduce those pesky things? Who needs them?!
Jack and I went to the park and met up with an old co-worker and a mutual friend who both have kids. Jack was the littlest of the bunch, the other two are walking and talking a bit, so we had some mom/Jack time while they went down the slides. I’ve had John Lennon stuck in my head for a week. Imagine. That’s Jack for me. “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.” Yeah.
Did John Lennon have kids? He writes like he had kids, like he knows. Being an artist, though, you’re touched by a different hand, maybe by that same hand that touches us when we have kids. Some other door is opened. Artists look for those doors. I can’t imagine going back, nor do I want to.
You can’t stare at anyone like you can babies. When we get older, we start to look away. I love that Jack and I can look at each other, really look at each other and he smiles and there aren’t any fights or broken hearts or bad histories. It’s so pure. We won’t always be like that. Or maybe we will? I don’t know. Either way, I’ll know it was there.
He took his first swing ride. I had to stuff a blanket in front of him because he’s still too small to fit properly. He stared off at the other kids for a while, but then saw me in and out of focus, back and forth and giggled and giggled each time he got close to me.
Tuesday, he was supposed to have his wellness visit with shots. He’s had a cough for a month and it started to sound wheezy Monday night/Tuesday morning, so I had them check it out again (we’d already gone to the doctor twice and he sounded good). I don’t know if it was this latest cold I caught (I have also been sick for about a month), but it finally caught up to him. He has RSV. He’ll be fine, just hard to see him whimpering in his sleep and fighting a fever. But even through all that, he giggles and giggles and then sometimes through a giggle he’ll realize he doesn’t feel well and cry, then giggle again. He’s such an amazing, happy boy. I don’t want anything in life to touch or change that.
He hasn’t been eating as much because of his fever. And the joy of that is you’ll start to have porn star boobs and have a letdown in the middle of the night, soaking your bed. We are both having accidents – snot, poo, milk. I think half of being a mom is being a kid again and all that entails – the good and the wet.
I’m working from home this week, even though we are still paying for daycare despite the fact he isn’t there. So be it. I’ll take a week not showering, forgetting to brush my teeth, wash my face, eat, do my hair. We all need that sometimes. I hope his fever breaks soon.
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