drowning

I was saving a woman from drowning. The water was bath-water clear and I dove under, her foot caught under a rock. She had the same river shoes as me. It took two tries, but I got her loose and held her body above the water. In water things are so light, people are so light. How strange for the water to be so heavy and so light depending on your circumstances. If you are trapped within it it can kill you, if you are not it can make you float. I’ve often wondered why coming from water – the make-up of our bodies – can leave us so dry once we depart from it? Perhaps it’s the sudden lack of it? Our skin open and porous only to enter air. air is needy and constantly thirsty.

It all lead up to this. I know that now, after of course. I can’t tell the future, but I can feel it building. I’m learning to pay attention to these sorts of things, but wonder once I do if it will change anything anyway. I’ll still have to ride out the waves.

I’ve been paying attention to dreams a lot. I feel in a sort of life lull. I’m not seeing as well as I was a month ago, but it doesn’t scare me as much anymore. I know it will come back in a strange fever and I’ll ride it out again, I’ll let it come. In the meantime I need to practice and to keep my eyes open and to cover my plants at night in the freeze. the freezes are coming, the mornings are colder, the river bloomed in fog.