Vanvasion

There was frost melting from the car port this morning. FROST. It’s 39 degrees and sunny and I bundled into my Brooklyn Industries cowl neck jacket with a bad ass side zip, cup of Old Man Winter coffee and am now watching the desert thaw.
My parents just landed. If I look out from my 7th floor office, I can see the radio tower of Sky Harbor Airport. They are there somewhere. I see nothing moving, but cars and landing airplanes. The palm trees are still and black in haze’s shadow. But there are there under it all. Everything in the desert is under it all.

I had a dream last night my name wound up on a list of performers. I thought for what? Sining?! I’m so unprepared for that, I haven’t practiced at all. But a man before me started to read poetry and I thought, oh ok, I can do that I guess. As I’m waiting to read, the owner and editor of a lit mag comes over to me and hands me some poems I submitted. She had edited them to her liking, they weren’t even my poems anymore, they weren’t even words I could understand. She said “Welcome to the Club” or something along those lines – the only way I would belong there was to go up and read those poems as if I had written them. I considered it, they weren’t bad, in fact they were pretty good, much better than the originals I had submitted to her, but in the end I couldn’t do it. I left the poems on the table and walked out.

My brother and his girlfriend are flying in in about an hour. My parents, brother +1 and Pat’s family are all going out to lunch and we haven’t all been together in one place since Pat and I graduated college 6.5 years ago. I love this family. I love watching it grow. Kids and wives and husbands and pets. It feels so nice, after all these years wandering, to belong somewhere.
Pat and I are exhausted. Putting contacts in this morning was like climbing razor wire naked. We have been working all week and meeting every one once we are done and then going to sleep around 11 and doing it all again the next day. And today is the first day of the Vanvasion and it begins all over again. God, we are happy. This is good.

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6 Responses to Vanvasion

  1. Ms. Moon says:

    And now you know why I wear glasses. Ha!
    I am so glad you are happy. Cold and family and all of it.

    • rachvb says:

      I wear dailies and usually they don’t bother me too much, but damn when your eyes are red and scratchy it’s god awful!
      Thank you thank you. I’m glad you’re surrounded by your babies and family and chickens and that you survived the holiday =) xo

  2. There is a wonderful, “will the circle be unbroken” vibe here, the feeling of some sort of restoration. Landscape is such a vivid character in our living stories, isn’t it? And your dream – for me this seems a time of vivid dreams that leave a specific feeling when I awake – speaks to me of authenticity, acknowledging its value over the easier, softer way to success. Or sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Enjoy your family time. xo

    • rachvb says:

      no, I got that sense too from my dream. Or maybe a cigar is just a cigar =)
      I feel restored in a sense. Still a long way to go, but it’s been wonderful to have a glimpse of it.
      Thank you so much! Dreams are stirring these days. xo

  3. Hi dear Rach
    It’s been a busy family time here, too – lots of coming and going, pretty of all of it a forward and upward direction. Hooray. I love how you both shape things and allow things to express their own shapes. ‘Everything in the desert is under it all’. And I smiled at your mention of Sky Harbor Airport as I hope to be flying in there soon, too!
    Much love to you and yours , the circles within circles.
    Claire xo

    • rachvb says:

      Hi Claire! I hope you are flying in here soon as well! I’m so tired from all the family and comings and goings. Today, I’m back at work, having survived. I think I could sleep for a week! I’m glad you got to spend time with family.
      I’m still discovering what this place is and means. Hopefully they will express themselves soon … or not – I’ll be watching anyway. xo

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