Two adjusting gringos

Every once and a while I have to look out the high-rising windows of my downtown office, take a deep breath and say “This is my life now.” Each blue-glass building like a gate pole leading to different streets and opposite directions; steel and stucco on either side of me. I wanted this but have miles to go until I’m where I want to be. The human conundrum.

Pat is here. Finally. Which is probably why I haven’t written in 5 days. We’ve been attending baseball games and marveling in the ease of getting downtown to the stadium – “This is easier than going to the movies,” he says and with the light rail steps outside our door, I’d have to agree with him. We’ve been sitting in the corners of authentic Mexican restaurants laughing at being the only gringos, me blushing at having to pronounce things in a language I can’t speak and Pat rolling the words from his mouth as smoothly as the glass-bottle Cokes. We’ve been sunning by our pool, he ignoring the conversations I have with his younger sister about sex and me pretending I know more about relationships and men than I’m sure I do. I love his family. After 10 years, it’s been amazing to see myself mold into them.

I took this photo before Pat got here, realizing that people take photos of themselves when they are alone because no one knows how their hair is in the morning, their breath or what their face looks like while listening to music. When you’re alone, you have to document your life, even if it’s just for yourself, otherwise you might not really exist.

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6 Responses to Two adjusting gringos

  1. Ms. Moon says:

    That last part? I know exactly what you mean.

  2. Julia says:

    I like this. I don’t know about you, but I have this habit of working really really hard for something, finally getting it, and then suddenly not knowing what to do with it. I am glad to hear that you are enjoying Arizona. Please bring that state some much-needed feminist flair. 🙂

    • rachvb says:

      I am the same way in many ways =) I wonder if it’s “goal lust” We have so many things we want to accomplish. I suppose it means we’ll never let ourselves get too bored, but damn, it’s tiring sometimes.
      I’ll do my best to bring some feminist flair! Yeah, what’s the deal with this place?!

  3. LtoTheJ says:

    This post made me cry. Not sure yet if they were tears of sadness or joy … perhaps a bit of both. First time in a LONG time I haven’t been there to see you settling in … to watch you find your stride. 🙂 ;(

    • rachvb says:

      If I wasn’t at work, I’d be sobbing right now. I sure do wish you were here, but I’ll have to settle for closer which is pretty damn good. I Miss you. A lot.

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