This fish is made for walking

I don’t remember any of my dreams last night. I’ve been waking up the past few days without my colorful, crazy dreams and I miss them. My mind wasn’t free to wander yesterday. it was moving heavy furniture down narrow steps. dark wood, white wood, plastic wood pressed against my neck and fingers and I became a barnacle trying to hang on to the underside of a ship. I became attached to something I didn’t have much control over – only guide.

All I remember of my dream was that I was going somewhere – not happy or sad about it, just going.
I know right now I’m at a place soon to be the middle. I’m almost putting my foot into new waters. almost. I have things in two worlds. I’m in a white zone.

There’s nothing you can do when you see such a great change in front of you – it’s like a wave coming, you’re standing in the ocean and you see it made, you see the curl coming and the white foam frothing at its mouth and all of the sudden it’s built itself into a wall, a moving, fast wall and it’s going to hit, maybe twist you. you can either dive in to the unknown or turn your back and leave it to chance, maybe it will pull you under its tongue, drag you along the sandpaper bottom, maybe it won’t have enough strength to do anything but wash your backside.
But i’ve had more luck diving into the meat of the wave, the stomach of the wave. Extend your body straight as a pencil and jump through the force of it. there’s less friction, fewer ways your arms will get tangled in the mess if you tuck them together. Less collateral damage.
So breathe out hard when it hits (no one likes water in their nose).

And suddenly I remember my dream about pushing through a restricted square guarded with identical Vietnamese school girls with machine guns. but don’t worry they never used them, the guns still had the plastic wrap on them. That’s how I knew they were chickens. The mob is always stronger. Test the bravery of your enemies and know your own. Push through the square and watch as the school girls crumble under the force of many.
Later I found a flat fish with legs in a friend’s apartment. It was walking around brown and speckled. No one knew what it is, how it got there, but we were all so fascinated by discovering something new that all our efforts, thoughts, worries had already become the past and it was too late to do anything but look to the present, look into the future. This flat fish is made for walking.

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2 Responses to This fish is made for walking

  1. That fish dream is important. The fish in your dream was the first creature to walk the earth.
    r

  2. rachvb says:

    I’m glad I remembered him. I’m not quite sure where he fits yet. I was trying to cover him up with water and rocks to make him more comfortable. People kept trying to study him and hold him up by his fin and he wiggled a lot and was trying to run away, hide. maybe something old is reemerging, a part of myself, a part of my writing.

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