the dove carols like a broken wheel (yesterday's post come back to life)

Already, 80 degrees this morning. I don’t think it cooled down much last night. The sun’s pulling an all-nighter, on a bender and we’re caught in the hangover, the spewing heat, the moisture. Everywhere I walk, I’m covered in wet wool.

I’m heartbroken today for reasons I can’t talk about, for mistakes, bad decisions made by someone I love. The future still a future just altered which is how life works in the end anyway. Massive speedbumps, we slow down, we see, we absorb, we change. Back on track.

Walking to my car yesterday, I wondered if some people were just dealt harder cards. Abuse, suicides, poverty, untimely death. Is it a little bit of fate and a lot of decision-making that turns events? Or is it a lot of fate and a little decision-making? Whatever it is bad things  don’t come in threes at all, they just come. Who made that up anyway?

Buddhism entered my mind. Perhaps, I did many good deeds in my last life and Karma carried over? Perhaps, my spirit had an understanding of suffering and I died with a happy heart? For whatever reason, I was gifted with a higher degree of empathy.  And then I wondered if my job in all of this is to observe. To watch and feel the events around me, the places around me, to watch compassionately. I see it all, even rocks displaced on concrete.

“If you maintain a feeling of compassion, loving kindness, then something automatically opens your inner door. Through that, you can communicate much more easily with other people. And that feeling of warmth creates a kind of openness. You’ll find that all human beings are just like you, so you’ll be able to relate to them more easily,” Dalai Lama, from “The Art of Happiness”

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