Cold cozy house

The cozy winter house isn’t so cozy this morning. The water level on the furnace dipped too low again and it turned off in the middle of the night. I woke up this morning and just knew. The air outside our down comforter was so chilled and sulky. I should have stayed in bed. It took me long enough to get out of it, that I should have just stayed.

I feel like I’m going backwards. I’m not trusting myself. I’m smearing mud all over paper. I’ve been tripping this week and I’m not sure how to get my feet under me. This is the point when people who want to be writers can’t be writers because they give up. I know this point. It feels like it happens all too often, but somehow I still showed up even if I’m sitting in the back not participating. I at least walked through the door and picked a wobbly chair. I am at least still listening

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4 Responses to Cold cozy house

  1. Take heart, Rachel – you are doing all the right things. Turning up and persisting despite the mud on the pages are the very things both mud and page need to witness. They will become more compliant soon. Trust. Trust. L, C x

    • rachvb says:

      Thank you, Claire. Joni helps. I heard that and knew I needed to write it down. Clicked pause and play. She gets so simply to the heart of things, but there is so much heart. Thank you for posting that. We seem to find the things we are looking for when we need them. The artists in us must carry courage.
      Love to you to you to you,

  2. Rachel, you are doing your part of the job–getting yourself in the chair sometimes takes more courage than jumping off a cliff, but it’s the only way the words will arrange themselves, and the Muse can breathe on you. Your place is in front of the paper. xm

    • rachvb says:

      Thank you, Melissa. We can’t live without our art and our art can’t live without us. We think so much about the act of writing. If we thought less and wrote more perhaps we wouldn’t worry so much about the process? But you’re right – we can’t accomplish anything if we don’t sit down to do it.
      “Your place is in front of the paper” – thank you. I can never stay away too long. =)

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