Bona fide

I have learned early that being published is not everything it’s cracked up to be. I don’t say this because I’ve been published, but I say this because I felt being published would make me feel more like a writer. But I’ve been reading and learning a great deal these past few months about myself and why I haven’t really felt like a writer and why I’ve let other people make me feel that way and I realized that to be a writer and to feel like a writer you have to write. TA-DA!

Not that I wasn’t getting up every morning to do such things – because I was and still am – but I suppose my purpose for getting up was to get published and not for the writing itself – not for the exploration and the process. It made me panic that it wasn’t happening or happening fast enough. It made me doubt myself. It made me uncomfortable in my own skin. I was getting ahead of myself and going to the end result when in fact it’s the twisty, dim-lit road to get there that’s worth everything. Taking that road is what being a writer means, it’s how you will feel like a writer, it’s how you will become a writer, it’s where all the magic (as they say) happens.

I also say this because I just got another rejection on a story and it makes me feel a little better, but I really do believe it. And this realization has solidified for me that I am in fact a bona fide writer and that I always will be – published or not.

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