warm cookies

I want to move forward. I want to eat really warm chocolate chip cookies that are really warm I know I mentioned the warm part, but it’s good to feel warm and I want to feel warm. And I want them to disappear into my mouth and to taste the chocolate and that will be warm too and even going down it will be warm.
Growing is the list of things I need to do, but haven’t had money for or motivation for or bravery for. 1. call for a massage appointment – this is free, a gift to me, a volcanic stone massage. Why the hell I didn’t call about this 4 months ago when I received it who knows. 2. call the insurance company so I can call a therapist so I can I try to feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. mold is fuzzy but mold is bad and I keep walking past the flowers in the vase with the mold on their stems and I’m not sure why I don’t throw them away. 3. finish designing my website that is almost done but I’ve had no motivation to finish because it means I will have to work on something else in return that I’m not sure I’ll have the motivation to finish. 4. get over this cold so I can stop feeling like it’s punishment for mistakes that I make. 5. Stop thinking that life would be easier if I was hit by a car or a bus and not killed, but injured so I can recover in the peace and quiet of a hospital room and feel doted on and cared for. I wouldn’t mind the extra time off. And maybe I could even sue the guy who hit me and get some extra dough in the process. 6. Get my passport so someday soon I can get on a plane and see a world that lives and breaths and eats differently than I do.

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6 Responses to warm cookies

  1. Dear Rachel
    I have a hot-stone massage waiting for my ‘yes, please; now, thank you’ too. I also wonder why when I know how good it would be for me, I’m finding it impossible to set it up. (I will if you will?)
    If I could, I would bake you the most delicious batch of chocolate chip cookies imaginable. They’d have great big chunks of warm chocolate – dark and milk, I think (and white, too, if you like white) and pecans. And they’d be crisp on the outside and chewy on the inside and the melty chocolate would get all over your fingers and you’d make eating them an unhurried, self-nurturing experience.
    Take care over there. I’ve been a bit thin on the ground and jaggedy around the edges lately but I’m sending you love, Claire. x

    • rachvb says:

      I booked mine for tomorrow at 7! You next!
      Thank you for my virtual cookies. they sound wonderful. I like it all, all the good stuff. Especially the crispy outside and chewy inside. I hate hard cookies.
      The whole place seems jaggedy around the edges. We must walk carefully or stomp around until we are heard – I’m not sure which one yet, maybe both. Keep covering your hands in your art and putting it out into the world.
      Sending love back,

  2. LtotheJ says:

    you could always drink vodka. I know that makes ME feel warm and toasty inside … ;o)

    • rachvb says:

      I’ve settled on cough syrup. Good all around minus the taste, but vodka doesn’t taste very good either. Plus I can drink cough syrup at work and not get in trouble.

  3. It may be my superstition, but I heed the warning, “be careful what you ask for.” Twenty-one years ago I asked, daily, to be able to be at home (to have more time with my son), in good health, with enough money. I’m still not sure that one out of three counts as an answered prayer.

    Mold may be fuzzy but very lacking in warmth and it is hard to work up the motivation to pay someone to transform us, at least in part, to something that may give off dangerous spores.

    Warm and sweet, what we crave sometimes is so clear, not requiring translation. Until it turned chilly here overnight, I still thought cake when the jitters came. But now…Claire’s virtual cookies, hot chocolate with whipped cream. We know what will nourish the hungry parts.

    • rachvb says:

      I heed that, too Marylinn. I think that’s why I put it here so I could stop carrying it around with me which means the potential for those sorts of ill omens become much higher. I, of course, don’t want to be hit by a car, but I had a strange sense last week that I was GOING to be hit by a car. Thankfully that did not happen. Maybe something felt heavy on the horizon. I’m not sure.
      I worry about paying someone to help me. I feel I’ve done pretty well on my own so far. I always find a way back to some sort of center. I know the things I need to work on. Maybe I’m just being stubborn. Or scared. I may in time warm to the idea again.
      I am grateful to Claire’s virtual cookies. They did the trick by knowing there’s warmth out there in the world even when I’m not feeling so warm in my world.
      I hope it’s warm where you are.

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