6 weeks

The other night I had a dream that a really intelligent, artistic teacher told me out of all her students, she would put me in charge of her class because I had love in my face. When it came to writing it wasn’t so much about all the academics, but the best writing comes from love and I looked loved. I liked that dream. And I like that our baby is getting chubby and has “rock star” hair I could see waving through the amniotic fluid at our last ultrasound.
Our neighbors woke us up again last night. We had to call security at 11pm and then 2am. I’m about to lose my shit. Another call to the leasing office about these god-damned inconsiderate teenage girls whose room is right below ours. I saw the mom last week and she didn’t even look at me. I feel bad, but not that bad. I’m already getting up 3 times a night to pee, I don’t need their bass included. The baby is here in 6 or so weeks.
I felt lonely the other week. I looked out our building across the high rises and onto a parking lot where tire tracks made ribbon loops on the asphalt. They seemed lonely too, but I was projecting. How can a stain be lonely?
Maybe it was because my best friend had just left. We had tons of family come in for the baby shower and my best friend came and did everything from giving me a pedicure to organizing all the baby shit we got to holding me in that emotional way old friends can hold you – with all that cushion, all that history. I miss her. Texas is too far.

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2 Responses to 6 weeks

  1. Ms. Moon says:

    I’d just been wondering about you the past few days. I’m glad you’re letting us know how things are going. I’m so sorry the neighbor situation sucks so much. May all be resolved before your baby comes.

    • rachelvb says:

      Thank you for thinking of us, Mary! I’m getting so tired of apartment living. I miss having a yard. We had such a beautiful house in Pennsylvania. After this kiddo, we’ll have to start saving for our own space. Grumble grumble. The baby is great, though! They told us s/he is in the 80th percentile for height! Tall kid! Head is down, so it’s getting ready! We have one more class this weekend and then a breastfeeding class and then a pediatrician tour and then before we know it, it will be October! This has been a really good pregnancy, though. Our bodies seem to like each other. Other than his/her butt and feet in my ribs… xoxo

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