Look both ways …

I’m a bit squirrely today running across the street, stopping in front of oncoming traffic, changing my mind and running back the way I came. My skin feels different, maybe because it’s tanner or maybe because I’m normally very white and pale. Am I standing out more now or then? White or Tan? I suppose it depends on what color is behind you or on you.

But my heart feels strange standing in its skivvies. Sometimes I want to pull my head back in my shell, turn on some Christmas lights (apparently I’ve been thinking a lot about these in July) along the ceiling and pretend, in all the darkness around me, that I’m looking at the night sky and the stars and it’s just me clicking my fingers together in creativity, making things with sticks and ribbon.

I’ve been thinking about balance. How balance is not so much standing in one spot in between it all, but waving back and forth like reeds on a pond shore. You go where wind goes and you pop back up. you go where wind goes and you pop back up. I’m trying to balance, pull back when I feel I’ve given too much of myself or push open when I feel I haven’t given enough. It’s not something i have to do, it’s just something I do. Today my center is on the left side, tomorrow it may be on my feet or my head or my pinkie finger.

I’m OK with feeling squirrely today. Tomorrow I will feel something else entirely.

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